Family adventures in food: Part 1

When did it start? It's hard to remember. Maybe it was the time that mom went to cut the Dairy Queen ice cream cake, only to discover that ice cream cake straight out of the freezer is about as solid as a cement block. We still have the antique knife that was only used to cut the cake because it was a family heirloom and it was a very special birthday - but now that the knife is practically bent at a 90-degree angle...well, it's retained its status as heirloom for different - and funnier - reasons.

Or, maybe it was the time that wedges of cake were being dished out and one was promptly served straight to the floor. The carpeted floor, that is. Squashy.

Whatever the starting point may have been, I suppose it doesn't matter as much as the fact that there seems to be no end in sight. This family has had more than our share of comical mishaps with all things edible.

There was the german chocolate cake that Shell made me one birthday that involved a mis-measurement in the frosting. Result? Unveiling the cake revealed that every drop of frosting had slipped right off the 2 tier cake and was now pooling around the sides. Gorgeous.

(Is anyone else noticing a cake pattern here?)

And though there was no actual food involved in Popi's infamous incident, the packaging took a big enough beating for mention. Picture this: in the wee and pitch-black hours of a Minnesota morning, Mom and Popi and I were picking up some relatives so that I could drop them all off at the airport. The streets were abandoned but for one inexplicable empty milk jug in the middle of a wide open road. "Dad! Milk ju..." SMOOSH. "Never mind. You killed it. Well done." Popi's big brother and his wife were picked up a moment later and as we drove away from their house, someone looked out the window and asked the black morning, "What's that sound?!" Being the helpful child that I always am, I replied, "Oh, that's probably the empty milk jug that dad ran over. I think we're dragging it." So, as Popi pulled over on the side of the highway, cursing the entire time, I started laughing in the back. By the time he had tried to reverse the car at the same time his brother was trying to jump out to dislodge it, I was in fits of giggles. The circus had come to the side of the road - and ran over, then DRAGGED a milk jug in the process. Ridiculous.

Of course their blood is my blood, so I'm far from innocent. I'm the genius who left an entire 12-pack of diet Coke to freeze in my car - only to exclaim at first sight, "How did that dirty street slush get onto the inner roof of my car?! Oh wait, there's bits of diet Coke cans all over the car too.... SHIT." Refreshing.

And one of our greatest moments was a few Thanksgivings ago when mom sat down to the dinner table and "just felt like something was missing." She found the canned sweet potatoes in the oven 5 days later. And I'm still laughing.

Food on the forehead proves he's one of us

What got me reminising of the many memories that we still laugh at, was the addition of the newest misadventure. Mom and Popi bought a new refrigerator/freezer and when it was delivered and installed, the old one was hauled away. The only problem was... they forgot to empty the freezer... the freezer that contained the newly produced family-secret Swedish Sausage. Phone calls were made and the chase was on. Mom and Popi drove all over town in search of their freezer contents. Knowing how silly it all seemed while she was telling me this story, Mom capped it off with some wise, wise words, "Oh, you know, fuck me."